Sonntag, 14. November 2010

Why I am a self-made Schizoid.

I was recently diagnosed with Schizoid "disorder". I don't claim to understand the psychology behind the words, but essentially it means that I am a loner. No surprises there I say! You would be a loner too if you were in my head!

For I have high expectations of people and I am easily disappointed by them.

I like to think, that I can think critically and that I actually give a damn about things in general. I assign worth to ideas and knowledge and I take efforts to see that I am analyzing them correctly.

When I get to talk to people about these ideas I have taken years to crystallize, they give me their OPINIONS formed of split seconds worth of neural activity. Opinions that they manage to defend with all their prejudices formed of years of brain-rust and opinions that they will forget the moment they stop talking to me. They do not really care about what they think or what they speak. Its simply to impress upon me/the audience, they spout words, that they too are capable of thought.

I am scared of people like that.

Not scared in the cringing sort of way, but in the disgusted sort of way; like you are scared of a lizard or a snake. These people are SO prevalent that I am afraid I will never meet someone who actually sees NOT THAT I AM CORRECT, but that I am putting EFFORTS into my ideas.

This is what makes me solitary, alone and aloof. But never Lonely.

 Because the engine in my head never seems to stop generating new thoughts.

And I am in a good company when I am alone.

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